In these straitened financial times the Micawber principle is driving many people’s approach to their financial affairs. You may recall that Mr Micawber’s maxim was that happiness was derived if expenditure was less than income whereas misery pertained if expenditure exceeded income.
As far as insurance is concerned, happiness is achieved if more is recovered by way of a claim than is laid out by way of premium. As mobile phones are deemed to be increasingly indispensible (what did we do twenty years ago when they weren’t available?), insurance companies inevitably have developed policies to cover the handsets against accidental damage. This in turn has prompted an outbreak of Micawberism and a surprising level of ingenuity deployed to try and recover their premiums.
Without wishing to be a killjoy and surpress the creative side of human endeavour, some tips on mobile phone use can be gleaned from the unfortunate experiences of others.
For instance, where would you put your mobile phone when you were assisting a cow deliver its calf? A farmer in Devon had a brain wave – inside the cow’s backside, natch. Imagine his surprise when it disappeared and when it made a reappearance as the centrepiece of a steaming cowpat, it failed to work.
When desperate, you would think that the vibrate feature of your phone could makes an ideal substitute sex toy. Unfortunately, as a woman in her late twenties in Bristol discovered, the phone wasn’t designed for this form of usage and packed up.
Be careful when you go to the toilet as exposure to water and natural waste products can impact the performance of your handset. A 40 year old construction worker had his phone in the back pocket of his trousers, went about his business and flushed the chain, not realising that the phone had fallen in the pan. The phone didn’t flush away but did stop working.
Phones and heat don’t mix. Don’t do what a woman in Nottingham did and include your phone in the mix of a birthday cake you are making. Inevitably, the phone didn’t survive the baking process. And don’t leave your phone in the blast zone of a fireworks display (note the seasonal advice!) as a professional pyrotechnician did. After the display the phone was nowhere to be seen.
Phones are also vulnerable to members of the animal kingdom. A woman had a phone snatched from her hand by a seagull when she was out walking and a monkey at Longleat safari park snatched the phone from a man’s hand whilst he was filming them. The camera feature so prevalent in mobiles did for another chap who tried to film the recent Blur concert at Hyde Park from a tree and got so excited that he dropped the handset. It was never recovered.
Mobiles can make a useful weapon but if you miss your target, as a Liverpool lass did when she threw her phone at her cheating boyfriend, damage to the handset can ensue.
Use your phone safely but if misfortune strikes, stretch your ingenuity!