A wry view of life for the world-weary

There Ain’t ‘Alf Some Clever Bastards – Part Three

Today’s spotlight falls on Ole Schon, a Danish entrepreneur, who has made his fortune and name from being a bit of a wanker.

It all started with a dream in which he saw hundreds of human sperm caught in the waves. .This dream haunted him and encouraged him to experiment with his own sperm – masturbating and then trying to work how best to preserve it. It was best not to open his fridge door uninvited at that time.

Ole’s experimentation led to him understanding how to preserve the sperm and spawned his business, Cryos, which after 25 years of trading is the world’s largest sperm bank. The bank now has 170 litres of sperm on deposit and a waiting list of 600 donors. Cryos is credited with producing 30,000 babies across 70 countries.

Donors go into a booth with whatever will help them concentrate on the job in hand. The sperm is then stored at -196C until required. Donors get 500 kroner for their troubles as well as a feeling of satisfaction.

Cryos is one of a number of companies which has used the donors right to anonymity under Danish law to make the country the world centre of sperm banks. It recently courted some controversy by announcing it was going to be positively discriminating against red headed donors – no demand apparently for their output.

Schon is looking to expand his empire into other countries – after all, the world is full of wankers.


If you enjoyed this, why not try Fifty Clever Bastards by Martin Fone which is now available on Amazon in Kindle format and paperback. For details follow the link

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