A change of emphasis this time – some low brow humour from the world of Christmas crackers, for your Yuletide delectation, courtesy of the Telegraph and Sunday Times:
- What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky
- What did the letter say to the stamp? Stick with me and we will go places.
- Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer
- What do you call a blind reindeer? No-eye deer
- Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
- What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show
- Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see a flat mate
- What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
- Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered
- Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? Because he has private elf care
- What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam
- How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.
- Why did Harry Styles fail at being Santa? Because he could only go down the chimney in One Direction
- How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes
- How does King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep pan, crisp and even
- Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender
- Why was the butcher worried? His job was at steak
- What did one keyboard say to the other? Sorry, you are not my type
- Why are chocolate buttons rude? Because they are Smarties in the nude
- And finally (for now), what are the small rivers called that run into the Nile? Juveniles
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