It’s The Way I Tell ‘Em (13)


A change of emphasis this time – some low brow humour from the world of Christmas crackers, for your Yuletide delectation, courtesy of the Telegraph and Sunday Times:

  • What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky
  • What did the letter say to the stamp? Stick with me and we will go places.
  • Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer
  • What do you call a blind reindeer? No-eye deer
  • Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship
  • Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
  • What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show
  • Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see a flat mate
  • What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
  • Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered
  • Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? Because he has private elf care
  • What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam
  • How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.
  • Why did Harry Styles fail at being Santa? Because he could only go down the chimney in One Direction
  • How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes
  • How does King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep pan, crisp and even
  • Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender
  • Why was the butcher worried? His job was at steak
  • What did one keyboard say to the other? Sorry, you are not my type
  • Why are chocolate buttons rude? Because they are Smarties in the nude
  • And finally (for now), what are the small rivers called that run into the Nile? Juveniles

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