A wry view of life for the world-weary

Red Faces Of The Week


I don’t know if you’ve been to a garden centre recently but every time I go there the ratio of other stuff to plants is forever increasing. Why I would go there to buy a loaf of bread rather than a supermarket beats me.

Anyway, the centre near Blogger Towers does a nice line in garden ornaments and we have a lizard and a bug hanging on a pergola, although you would need to be a machete-wielding Indiana Jones to see them at the moment through the jasmine and honeysuckle. Out of the corner of your eye in a hurry you might mistake them for the real thing, although would you really expect a large lizard and an even larger bug to be at large in leafy Surrey?

News reached me this week of an unusual stake-out in the badlands that are Sutton in South West London involving our fearless boys in blue. Responding to reports that a snake was on the loose, the officers stood and watched the reptile from a safe distance. The snake which they surmised to be a venomous adder lay very still on the patio.

Quite what our fearless cops were going to do next we will never know because after a while a neighbour came along to see what the kerfuffle was and informed them that the snake was in fact a garden ornament.

As one resident said later, “I could have told you it was a fake snake because the paint is peeling off it”. Traffic duty for them, methinks!


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