A wry view of life for the world-weary

It’s The Way I Tell ‘Em (19)


In an attempt to brighten up a Monday, here’s another batch of high-brow humour.

  • What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.
  • Two fermions walk into a bar. The first says “I’d like a vodka martini with a twist.” The second says “Dammit, that’s what I wanted!”
  • I sometimes regret that I never learned French but… such is life.
  • I told a very good chemical joke once… but there was no reaction.
  • A statistician is at the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “I’m afraid you have type I diabetes.” The statistician replies, “Well, that’s a relief. I thought I had diabetes.”
  • Mathematicians don’t die. They just lose some of their functions.
  • Do you have any sodium hypobromite? Na BrO.
  • A philosopher and a socialist are sitting in the porch of a nudist colony. “Have you read Marx?”, asks the philosopher. “Yes, I think it’s the wicker chairs”, says the sociologist.
  • A denominator-of-two walks into a bar. The bartender looks up, and in a calculating manner asks, “What’ll you halve?”
  • A physicist, a chemist, and a biologist are walking on the beach. The physicist sees the waves rolling in and cries, “Hydrodynamics! I must study this,” and promptly disappears into the ocean. Later, the Biologist spies a school of dolphins. He immediately grabs his waterproof notebook and wades out into the water, only to disappear. The chemist promptly pulls out his lab notebook and writes, “Biologists and physicists appear to be soluble in water.”
  • A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.” “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist. “I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.” The man below says, “You must work in business.” “I do,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
  • To be is to do – Socrates. To do is to be – Sartre. Do Be Do Be Do – Sinatra
  • And finally, Fibonacci is as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3 …

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