A wry view of life for the world-weary

It’s The Way I Tell ‘Em (23)


It is the run up to the Festival of Mammon and we all need a bit of light relief so here goes:

  • Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things.
  • What is the difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  • For every action there is a corresponding over-reaction.
  • I’m a very humble person. I am actually much greater than I think I am.
  • People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  • Only dead fish go with the flow
  • The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What is the worst that could happen? If everything went wrong, may be you would get a pulse.
  • Foreign Aid. The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
  • True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
  • The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
  • Just about the time you can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. Tax is a fine for doing well.
  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  • Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
  • I am a vegetarian not because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  • The trouble with doing something right for the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was.
  • Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink beer, they would be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. It is better for me to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than worry about my liver.
  • Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s surgery is full of Picassos.
  • There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  • The time you stop believing in Father Christmas is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

Happy Christmas!


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