A wry view of life for the world-weary

‘Elf And Safety Nonsense Of The Week


Sometimes I despair. It’s that time of year when students who have graduated are awarded their degrees. At certain institutions part of the fun of the graduation celebrations is gathering en masse and throwing your mortar boards into the air.

Of course what goes up must come down and some graduates, according to the ‘Elf and Safety gestapo, have been hurt by falling mortar boards. It must be there is a Peaky Blinders version of the mortar board around – you know the one with razor blades concealed in the edges.

Anyway, a number of universities have issued a ban on the practice, describing it as an unacceptable risk. As a sop the University of East Anglia have proposed that images of the headwear be digitally added afterwards if students mime the action of throwing them up in the air when the traditional photo is taken. Not only will the students’ safety be ensured but the hats will remain intact. Crazy!

I have a better idea. Why don’t they just Photoshop the whole university experience? The students will be at least £27,000 the richer, will have saved themselves three years of their lives studying for a worthless degree from a questionable institution and still be qualified to stack shelves at their local supermarket.

Hats off to any student who defies such ludicrous strictures, I say.


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