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A wry view of life for the world-weary

Christmas Crackers Of The Year

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To bring some post-Christmas cheer here is a selection of the best cracker jokes of 2016 for your delectation:-

How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone.

I bought my Mum Mary Berry’s cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood’s but he had sold out.

What is David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I want for Christmas is EU.

Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F-B-I.

Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at the North Pole? He couldn’t get past Iceland.

Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed.

Prince Philip looked out of the window on Christmas Eve. “That’s some reindeer”, he says. The Queen replies, “63 years. Yes, that’s a lot”.

What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange.

What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful.

What’s the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas Party? Avoid the punch.

Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold.

Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not.

More tomorrow, if you can stand it!

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2 responses to “Christmas Crackers Of The Year

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