A wry view of life for the world-weary

Cant Of The Week (3)

We had a County Council election on Thursday. Only two of the candidates in our ward, the Conservative and one of the Independents, bothered to put their election address through the gilded letter box of Blogger Towers. The Ukippers popped a generic “newspaper” on to our door mat. So I went to the polling booth not knowing who I was casting my vote for or what they were standing for. If the politicos can’t be arsed, why should we?

Still, for the logophile the general election is offering more promise. Boris Johnson called the hapless Corbyn a “mutton-headed old mugwump.” A mugwump is a 19th century American term for someone who disdains the hurly-burly of political dispute, although, I’m told, in the Harry Potter books it refers to a superior type of wizard.

Tom Watson, not someone I would associate with ploughing through a lexicon, responded by calling Boris a “caggie-handed cheese-headed fopdoodle with a talent for slummocking about.” A fopdoodle is a stupid or insignificant fellow, a fool or a simpleton and a slummock is a slovenly or unruly person. Caggie-handed is a pejorative term for someone who is left-handed while a chicken head is a screw with a raised head.

In order to continue this level of elevated political debate, can I suggest that for round two the Tories consider dandiprat, a person of no significance, or a grumbletonian, a person constantly dissatisfied with life. Perhaps the Labour camp should deploy Captain Queernabs, a 17th century term for a shabby person, or a gollumpus, a large and clumsy person. It would certainly make a welcome change from the strong and stable mantra.

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