windowthroughtime

A wry view of life for the world-weary

Christmas Crackers (3)

As a public service I bring you some dreadful one-liners, some of which may be appearing in a Christmas cracker near you this year:

  • What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barberqueue
  • Why was the turkey in the pop group? It was the only one with drumsticks
  • My wife has just rearranged the herbs in the kitchen cupboard. How do you find the time? I asked. It’s next to the sage.
  • What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick
  • What do snowmen wear on their head? Ice caps
  • Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose
  • What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve
  • What does Santa do with fat elves? He sends them to an Elf farm
  • What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time? One day my prints will come
  • When do vampires like racing? When it’s neck and neck
  • What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes
  • What do you give a dog for Christmas? A mobile bone
  • Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse
  • Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
  • What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train
  • What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
  • And finally, why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? It had no body to go with
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