Here, allegedly, are the best contemporary Christmas cracker jokes. Make of them what you will.
- Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? – He doesn’t get on with china.
- Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? – It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
- Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.
- Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? – Carbon footprints.
- What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite game to play over the festive period? – Guess Who.
- Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? – Because he struggles in the poles.
- Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? – Because she’s a swede dish campaigner.
- What’s the difference between Rudolph’s nose and David Cameron’s autobiography? – Only one will be red at Christmas.
- What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? – A melt.
- What is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey? – The Crown.
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