Christmas Crackers (7)

To get you into the festive spirit, or not, here are some one-liners bad enough to grace a Christmas cracker:

What type of key do you need for a Nativity play? A don-key!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas? It got gobbled!

Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers!

When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift!

What do you call Father Christmas on the beach? Sandy Claus!

What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?  Iceburgers!

What says Oh Oh Oh? Santa walking backwards!

What do elves learn at school? The Elfabet!

Why can’t Christmas trees knit? Because they always drop their needles!

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad!

What’s yellow and dangerous? Shark-infested custard!

Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance? They have two left feet!

What wobbles and flies? A Jelly-copter!

What goes ha ha ha clonk? A man laughing his head off!

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn’t concentrate!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey? On the dark side!

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh!

What did the stamp say to the letter? Stick with me and we’ll go places!

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