To get you into the festive spirit, or not, here are some one-liners bad enough to grace a Christmas cracker:
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa going through a revolving door!
What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
What did the sea Say to Santa? Nothing! It just waved!
What does Santa do with fat elves? He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas? A stocking!
What do you call a dog who works for Santa? Sant a Paws!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had no body to go with!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!
Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole? No well, no well!
What do you call a three legged donkey? A wonkey!
Why are pirates great? They just aaaaaaarrrrr!
What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
How is Drake like an elf? He spends all his time wrapping
What is the Grinch’s least favourite band? The Who!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered!
What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers? St Nickerless
Festive greetings to everyone.