Training Course Of The Week

For some the arrival of a fireman in full uniform when you are chained up with an object sticking out of an orifice might just be the icing on a pretty exotic cake. But such is the frequency of emergency calls involving men who have damaged or trapped their penises or had objects stuck up their backsides that firemen in the Dresden area of Germany are going through a special training exercise to show them how to handle the situation.

Some 600 polesliders have undergone the training course called, rather prosaically in the Teutonic fashion, Maschinenunfaelle or machine failures. According to the trainer, Eric Forberg, “sensitivity and delicate work counts”, which is good to know, and one of those on the course commented, “the training is not fun for us, but rather requires the utmost concentration. The patient is in enough pain, after all.” Quite.

With training in the correct procedures, removing a penis ring with a grinder should take less than fifteen minutes. But a word of warning; in Worms it took three hours to remove a weightlifter’s penis from the central hole of a 2.5kg iron weight.

The mind boggles.